Thursday, April 17, 2003

Reflection on Meaning

I had planned to spend the night writing my reflections on many things--alleged motivation, phony excuses, lying tendencies of the hustler but I have been interrupted time and time again so that I have no time to do what I had wished. That which is pleasant and fulfilling. But it is not to be. Is it that life is a series of interruptions? And the "others" are really the periphery? {"others" might mean what I THOUGHT was important} I have been on the telephone talking to others and listening to them and their ideas while I keep mine restrained and un articulated! I have paid my bills. I have balanced my checkbook! I have talked with John Charles R. as he struggles with his present deterioration--and how he appreciates it! He grasps my hand as I leave and thanks me for being with him. Perhaps this is what I am for! Perhaps my desires to write and make burning points which awaken me at night and demand written expression, are really the detours. The masks. The facades. Who would read my writings? Is it not for myself that I write? Is it not my way of clarifying where I truly stand vis-a-vis my God and my own meaning?

Perhaps, this is why the Lord leaves me here so long in good health with vigor and confidence! To serve His people who are broken and bruised from the beating that life gives everyone one way or another! If this is so, halleluia! I am delighted to be the surgeon for the Lord WHO guides my hand and my mind and my tongue! I am gifted with some kind of spiritual healing-for years now. So gracias a Dio for what I have had. The Future? Who knows? It has been a GREAT ride!!!!

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